yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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