just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
