I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
