I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Drunk is not a location!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
