o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
