Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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