hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Pants are for mortals
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