He had one of those small greek statue penises
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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