Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize