i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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