We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
