i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
