She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
