In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
