I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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