You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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