I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize