You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
