So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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