Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
where are you?
Hypothermia
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
