I showed him my bush... on skype.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
