So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
