so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
