my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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