Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We left an ass print on the piano.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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