You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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