When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
