I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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