Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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