that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you have to choose: penises or morals?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
