Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
