I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Someone shattered a urinal.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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