Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
