Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
