windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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