you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i've created a new STD.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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