next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
