woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize