but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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