I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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