he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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