p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
