when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
