I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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