I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
