I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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