end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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