She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
