East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I pour the whiskey from now on
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
