My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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