At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
