I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
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