do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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