At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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