What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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