we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
