so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
