oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize