I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Success! We fucked roommates!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
