Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
