Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do vagina's smell?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
