Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We are two peas in an std pod
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
