sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
