roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
