What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
