Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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