Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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