The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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