Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
