Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
True strength comes from lack of pants
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
