i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
