Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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