Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
