woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
