have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
