just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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