Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
