i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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