Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize