I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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