I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
