I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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