Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
