Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
