you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
it's like heaven, but drunker
Let's paint friendship bongs
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
