i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
