FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize