I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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