dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
