just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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