my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
