Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
