next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
