Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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