I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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