Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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