i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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