Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize