i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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